Loose Ends
by emeraldeyesfilledwithfear
Summary: He was the reason for her countless trust issues. He was the one who caused her so much pain at such a young age. He's the reason why her walls are built so high. But, he's also the one who took her camping. The one who taught her how to hot wire a car. The one who made her strong and determined. The one who made her feel special and loved.
1. Chapter 1

**Here it is! Special thanks to Regan for throwing ideas around with me. (: Enjoy!**

* * *

"Come on Deeeeeks! I'm hungry." Kensi whined pulling him by the arm towards the doors of their favorite burger joint.

"Whata shocker." Deeks smirked, catching up to Kensi's pace, throwing an arm lazily around her shoulders. Kensi elbowed him in the gut, not hard enough to hurt him though. "Touché." She retorted not think much of it, Deeks spinned her around to face him and planted a sweet kiss on her lips.

When he pulled away, she was breathless. Their foreheads rested against each other before Kensi found her voice to break the silent. "What was that for?" Deeks leaned down and connected their lips for another kiss, this one was quicker. "For finally using touché right."

Kensi's cheeks turned at light shade of pink before intertwining her fingers with Deeks, "Touché, touché, touché," Kensi sang leading the pair into the restaurant. Deeks groaned, "God, so close."

"Marty! Kensi!" The elder hostess greets them both with hugs. She was pushing seventy, about 5'6 with bright green eyes and white hair. "How are my favorite customers?" The woman asked patting Deeks' cheek. "Hi LeeAnn! It's been a long week." Kensi answered with a sigh leaning into Deeks.

The week started off slow, Monday and Tuesday were catch up days. Wedensday, Thursday, and Friday consisted of shootouts, diffcult witnesses, and a case that hit just a little to close to home.

"Oh I'm sorry to hear about that kids! Thank heavens it's over! Where's that favorite mutt of mine?" The lady asked looking out towards the strand for Monty.

"We got off of work late, decided to come straight here, didn't have time to go home and get him." LeeAnn gave off a fake pout. "You better bring him next week Marty! All these mighty fine leftovers going to waste!" The lady demanded. "Alright! Alright, expect Monty here next Friday." Deeks lifted his hands in surrender.

The partners sat down, no one bothered to ask what they wanted, it was always the same order. A cheeseburger for Deeks, a double bacon western cheeseburger for Kensi, and two beers to wash it all down.

"So Ms. Kensalina, what are your plans for the weekend?"

She pretends to think, "Welll, I was planning to go to the beach tomorrow, maybe pick up some hot surfer."

Deeks shakes his head and chuckle, "Oh really?" He asks raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah I-" Something, more like someone, catches Kensi's eye, it couldn't be him. Her eyebrows scrunch together and her mouth falls slightly.

"Kens.. What is it?"

If the myth is true, that everyone in the world has their own twin, the man that sits alone in the corner of the diner is definitely his.

It's the same hair cut he had many years before, but what comes with age is the gray strands poking through. The man is hunched over the table with his paper, the exact same way that _her _father used to do in the mornings before taking her to school. Kensi can't take her eyes off him, she searches up and down his body for an obvious sign that she's going crazy. In that moment she sees the scar. One that she heard countless stories about growing up, he wasn't even in the field, he was playing with his poker buddies when he walked back into a heater. Every time her father told the story, he made it more heroic rather than saying he just got a little drunk. God this can't be happening again. After her father died for the next two years she kept seeing him everywhere, it made losing him so much harder. Kensi squeezed her eyes tight shut, opening them again hoping the scar she say would disappear and it would just be an ordinary man. When she opened her eyes, he was still there, the same man, the same scar. Kensi's steady breathing turned into quick, short breaths.

This entire time, Deeks has been calling her name but it was almost as if she was stuck in a trance. He moved from his side of the booth to hers so he sat by Kensi. Deeks looked around to see if he could identify what triggered her. "Kens, you need to calm down, you're going to hyperventilate." Deeks slid his hand on top of hers and gave it a tight squeeze. Her breathing was still quick, "Come on babe, you're okay. I got ya." Deeks coaxed. "It's him." Was all Kensi could mutter out. Deeks turned to get in front of her face, blocking the view of the man who appeared to be her father. "Whose him? Talk to me Kensi." He pleaded

"Deeks that's.. that's my dad." Kensi whispered so quietly that he could barely hear.

Deeks let out a loud sigh and pushed stray pieces of Kensi's hair behind her air. "He's dead, you know that."

Kensi shook her head and stood up, Deeks followed after. "Where are you going?" She pushed away from Deeks and moved towards the man sitting in the booth. "Kens.. Kensi!" Deeks called after her.

The call of her name caused the man to look up from his paper. Kensi stopped dead in her tracks, finally face to face with the mysterious man, Deeks was quick behind her, his hand placed on her lower back.

Deeks observed the man standing in front of him. It was obvious he was military, you could tell by the way he stood, his face looked awfully similar to the one shown in OPS years ago during the investigation of his _death, _which was the reason this couldn't be him.

He prayed that the man wasn't Kensi's father, Deeks felt guilty about it, but this honestly would screw Kensi up. She's been through so much hardship that has been caused because of his death, if she finds out it could of all been prevented, it might break her.

And Kensi Marie Blye is not one to be broken.

The man looked down ashamed, he wasn't willing to meet Kensi's stare.

Deeks could feel Kensi begin to shake under his grip, whether if it was out of happiness, anger, or sadness he couldn't tell.

Just like that, Bad-Ass Blye was gone, and he was standing next to a terrified fifteen year old girl.

Kensi's eyes filled up with tears, "Daddy?"

The ex-marine gave her a sad smile, "Hey babygirl."

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**Reviews make me happy! (: Thank you all for reading! Love- Jill xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**A lot is happening in chapter two, enjoy!**

* * *

The sound of his voice almost killed her. Kensi broke down into tears, yet she didn't move towards her father, nor did she back away. The brunette stayed by Deeks' side.

Donald Blye mirrored her actions, this wasn't supposed to happen. Kensi was never supposed to figure out the truth, she was supposed to move on and stay safe.

Deeks didn't know what the hell was going on, but he knew for a fact that Kensi had no idea either. His grip around her waist tightened, as she began to cry. The man spoke again taking a step towards the partners. "Kensi. Wow you aren't my little girl anymore."

She just shook her head.

"Donald Blye." Kensi's father extended his hand towards Deeks. "Wow- uh hi, Marty Deeks." Donald turned his attention to Kensi who still was unresponsive besides the tears streaming down her face. Now that her father was three feet from her, she snapped into_ marine-daughter mode. _Kensi wiped the tears from her face and stood straighter. "Hi," was the only word she could say.

The older man opened his arms to the daughter who he'd hadn't seen in the last fifteen years.

Deeks expected her to be upset, to walk away, to yell, or something. But that's where he was wrong, this was her dad. The man she'd idled growing up and long after his "death".

Kensi wrapped her arms around his waist, inhaling the familiar scent that had vanished out of her life years before. The ex-marine choked back a sob as he hugged his not so little girl.

Deeks knew for a fact that this wouldn't end well, but seeing Kensi so happy made him happy. He couldn't take that away from her.

She had so many questions, but they all didn't matter in the moment. Her father was back in her life, and that's all she ever wanted.

Kensi pulled back, and opened her mouth once, and then again trying to form a sentence. Mr. Blye smiled, "Kens I know you have a lot of questions, but lets just enjoy the time we have together, okay?"

She panicked, "Wait- you're leaving?"

"Not for a while. Can't get rid of me that easy." He lied, but sealed it with a laugh. Seeing all the pain he caused her from afar was horrible, witnessing it face to face was something he knew for a fact he couldn't handle.

Kensi wiped the tears from her face and laughed, "I promise Dad, I'm not always like this."

"I know, I know."

"Oh this is my partner um- Deeks, I mean his name isn't Deeks, it's Marty. Well I call him Deeks but-" Kensi rambled on.

The two men shared a look and chuckled. The brunette looked between them, "What?"

"Oh nothing it's just that me and _Marty_ already introduced ourselves." Donald smirked.

"You let me go through all that?" Kensi glared towards Deeks.

Deeks just shrugged, "I kind of wanted to see where you were going with that."

Kensi slugged him in the shoulder. "You are an idiot."

"I'm your idiot."

She couldn't argue with that. But just like that, they were the only two people in the room. It happens a lot when they're together.

"Sooo.. Dad do you want to come sit with us? After we could go back to my place and watch movies like old times. I mean.. only if you want too."

"I'd love too." He had a sick feeling inside, almost as if he knew he was going to cause her pain. But there was nothing he could do.

* * *

They talked for hours, it was near 1 o' clock when they left the diner.

Kensi didn't realize how much she missed him until she had him back. What made her really happy was that her father and Deeks were getting along really well.

She wasn't worried about it much, Deeks had the personality that everyone loved.

Outside of the burger joint Kensi asked, "You still up for some movies with some ice cream?"

Her smile was still the same from when she was younger, big and bright.

"You betcha kiddo. I walked here, do you think I could-"

Deeks cut him off, "Yeah of course."

Deeks drove them over to Kensi's, when he pulled over, Mr. Blye got out of the car which left just him and Kensi.

"You're happy." Deeks observed.

Without think Kensi responded, "Wouldn't you be?"

Deeks raised an eyebrow, "Wait- sorry bad question."

"It's alright Fern, now go hang out with Papa Blye. I'll see you Monday."

"You don't have to leave Deeks. Stay, please?" She gave him her best pair of puppy eyes.

"You sure?"

Kensi head bobbed up and down.

"Okay, but remember Kens, your dad is here, no funky business tonight." He smirked.

"You're a pig. You know that?" Kensi snarled,

"How could I possibly forget hun?" Deeks mocked.

The trio went inside Kensi's cramped apartment, Kensi and Deeks took the couch and Donald sat in the lazy boy near his daughter. Their plans for movies and ice cream were forgotten when Mr. Blye started sharing stories from Kensi's childhood.

She can still remember the pain, that shot through her right arm.

_It was crisp February afternoon. It was a quiet Sunday at Camp Pedelton._

_Six year old Kensi Blye was learning how to ride her bike around the base. Her father went inside to make lunch, and specifically told her to say off the bike until he returned._

_Stubborn and independent, she didn't listen. Kensi rode around the house, but lost her balance while turning the corner._

_She got the bike for Christmas, her father was so busy that they just got the time to test it out. Julia offered to teach Kensi how to ride the bike but she refused and only wanted Donald to do it._

_God, she was such a Daddy's girl._

_Kensi had tears streaming down her face, but she didn't make a sound._

_She knew her father would be mad at her for not listening, so she made the tears stop._

_Little Kensi pulled her arm close to her stomach and walked into the house._

_"What's wrong baby girl?" Donald asked, finishing the second sandwich for the pair._

_"I don't wanna ride my bike anymore Daddy." Kensi shrugged, and winced at the pain that shot through her arm again._

_Donald picked up on his daughter's weird behavior, "Oh really? Well the little Miss. Kensi Blye I know isn't a giver-upper."  
_

_"I didn't give up." Kensi said sternly, standing up straighter._

_"Mhm. That's why you don't want to ride your bike anymore.' He paused. 'Or is there something else that's bugging you."_

_Her father was smart, she couldn't fool him._

_Kensi pouted and held out her arm towards her father who was kneeled down beside her. _

_"God Kens, I don't think a band-aid and a kiss is going to fix this. I think it's broken." Donald said observing the limb._

_Kensi's face went pale white, "I'm fine."_

_"Uh-huh sure you are. Come on kiddo." _

"Wow even back then Kensi was a trooper." Deeks said amused.

"Oh you'd be surprised what she went through, but look at her now, tough as steel." Donald beamed.

Kensi smiled and looked down into her lap. "Hah- yeah. Well I don't know about you boys but I'm tired."

The clock read 2:36 am. "I'm with you Kens, it's been a long day." Her father agreed.

"Are you going to be okay on the couch?" Deeks asked.

"Oh yeah I'm good." Donald stretched from the chair.

"Goodnight Dad." Kensi smiled, giving him a tight hug.

"G'night." He said kissing her forehead.

"Night Marty." Donald smiled from across the room.

"Goodnight."

* * *

Deeks woke up to an ocean of brown locks on his chest. He rolled over to check the clock, it was only 6 am.

Her heard noises coming from the kitchen so he got up to check out what was going on.

What he was face to face with, broke his heart.

Donald Blye was reaching for the door knob to leave the house.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

Deeks voice must of startled him, because he jumped slightly.

He turned around in shame to be face to face with his daughter's partner.

"Marty..."

"No. You're not leaving." Deeks left no room for any other objections.

"I have too." Donald whispered-yelled back.

"No, no you don't. If you leave again, it'll break her. You and I both know she deserves so much more. She needs permanent, not temporary." Deeks was up in his face now, shoving his finger into his chest.

"Watch who you're talking to." The ex-marine warned.

Donald knew there was no way he was leaving with Marty Deeks watching over him.

"You're right." He gave in.

"Thanks." Deeks nodded. "Now go back to bed. Kensi probably has the whole day planned out."

"You're a good man Marty, you're good for Kensi too."

Deeks smiled, "I'd like to think so. It means a lot coming from you."

* * *

"Deeks!" Kensi shouted from the living room.

He rolled over to check the time for the second time this morning, it was now 8:57.

Kensi barged into the bedroom with tears streaming down her face, "Deeks he's gone!"

Deeks sat up quickly and followed Kensi into the mainroom.

"Dammit." Deeks cursed.

"Deeks what is it?" Kensi asked, her eyes were pooled with tears.

"This morning, I-I talked to your dad." Deeks sighed.

"What'd he say Deeks?" Kensi urged.

He looked everywhere but at her.

"What. did. he. say?' Her eyes were filled with fire and determination.

"He was walking out the door and I-"

"YOU SAW HIM LEAVING AND YOU DIDN'T STOP HIM?" Kensi yelled.

"Kensi I-" Deeks was cut off again.

"Out." Her voice was quieter now and was filled with sadness.

"Babe please."

"Get. Out." Kensi gritted through her teeth pushing him through the door.

"I hate you."

And with that, she slammed the door in his face.

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**Reviews make me happy. (;**


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter is long over do, I'm so sorry! Finals have just been making life hell these last couple days. I hope you guys enjoy, this was a diffcult chapter to write.**

* * *

One month is all it takes.

In just a month, Kensi Marie Blye's life had been turned upside down.

She went from having everything she wanted, to having nothing.

Deeks was her everything, and she pushed him away.

Kensi knew that deep down Deeks wasn't to blame for her father leaving her, _again._

Maybe it was her.

The Monday coming back from the eventful weekend, Kensi was livid.

_Kensi stormed into bullpen throwing her bag on her desk._

_She refused to make eye-contact with Callen or Sam. Being face to face to Deeks after what happened on Saturday was not an option._

_He kept calling her, but she refused to answer. _

_Kensi doesn't know exactly why she's shutting him out, yet she still does. _

_Without stopping she goes straight to Hetty's office._

_"Trouble in paradise?" Callen jokes._

_"You have no idea." Deeks sighs._

_"Good morning Ms. Blye." Hetty greets._

_"Did you know?" Kensi's voice is cold and hollow._

_"I'm not sure if I know what you're talking-"_

_"Don't bullshit me Hetty!" Kensi yelled._

_All three of the men look towards Kensi. Deeks stands up and slightly jogs over, already knowing the reason for his partner's outburst._

_"I suggest that you calm down Ms. Blye and tell me what you're talking about." Hetty is taking back by Kensi's actions._

_"He's alive. My father, he never died." Kensi's voice softened as she squeezed her eyes shut._

_Hetty looks down, "How did you find out?"_

_It looks like Kensi was punched, she falls back a bit. "Wha- What?" You knew this whole time? God Hetty you know how much his death was screwing with my head, and you wouldn't tell me?"_

_Deeks steps towards Kensi gently grabbing her wrist, testing the water to see where they stood._

_Kensi shrugged him away, "Why?"_

___That was enough of an answer for him, she wouldn't give him anytime to explain what really happened._

_"Kensi believe me I wish I could tell you, but you need to let this go." Hetty pleaded. __"I'm so sorry."_

That was a month ago. A month that seemed to go on forever.

She decided to move on from whatever the hell happened with her dad, it caused to much trouble. Too much pain.

Kensi did what she did best when reality became to confusing, she threw herself into her work.

Whatever development her and Deeks' made with their thing was lost.

They finally talked about 'it' when she returned from Afghanistan, the months after that were the best ones of her life.

Her life now was back to the same old routine.

**Wake up, morning run, shower, eat breakfast, go to work, come home, dinner and crappy reality T.V (alone), sleep, and repeat. **

Deeks and Kensi's partnership didn't change much, the pair didn't talk much unless it involved the case.

But they still worked well together and got the job done.

Yet she still missed waking up in his arms every morning, falling asleep in them every night.

Kensi needed to talk to him, even if their relationship dissolved, she still wanted the friendship.

She just wanted him.

* * *

Her plans go a little weary the next morning.

The last couple weeks she's been feeling sick.

Blaming it on her raging emotions didn't explain why she's missed her period. _Twice._

It's 6:03 am.

Just another Tuesday morning, one that's more eventful than others.

But that doesn't surprise her, this month has been hell.

She just didn't expect _this._

Kensi knew it would always be with him, but not this soon, not now, not after everything fell apart.

It's 6:07 am.

She peers over into the sink, her hands shake as she picks up the plastic stick.

'+' is all it reads.

Kensi lets out a loud sigh and slides down against the wall.

It's 6:12 am.

All the suspension she's had for the last week and a half have finally been confirmed.

Okay maybe it's been two full weeks.

Maybe longer, she can't remember, so much has happened.

It's 8:47 am.

Hours later her morning routine comes an end and she's in the car on her way to work.

Her knuckles turn white as she grips the steering wheel.

There's something growing inside of her. A baby. _Their baby._

As much as it scares her, it excites her.

They aren't together, but she knows him.

He has always wanted kids, and only talked about having them with her.

What if he changed his mind?

Anxiety seeped in, deep into her bones.

Tonight she'll tell him, she doesn't want to waste anytime.

Maybe she's just being naive, but what if this is the one thing that fixes everything?

Kensi pulls into her parking space and runs the tips of her fingers over her flat stomach.

She looks up and sees Deeks getting out of his car, she hops out and jogs towards him.

"Hey Deeks!" Her face is scrunched up, the sun's blinding at this time of the morning.

He can hear her voice tremble, "Hey Kens, what's up?"

He's caught of guard with her coming up to him.

Ever since everything with her dad she has been giving him the cold shoulder.

"I was thinking that a-' _Come on Blye don't fold now. _' we could go out to eat or something after work?" It all comes out in one breath.

"I'd- I'd really like that." Deeks smiles.

"Me too." They share a moment, their squinted eyes locking for a few moments.

"Come on partner, we're gonna be late for work."

The energy in the bullpen was positive, it was almost as if nothing had ever changed.

Eric's whistle rang throughout the office.

"We've gotta a case."

It's a simple murder, if a murder can even be simple.

A ex-marine is killed, James Rogers, no one knows why. The only suspect is his wife.

Kensi and Deeks are sent off to go interview the victim's wife.

* * *

"So Kensalina, what do you want to do tonight?" Deeks asks in the passenger seat.

"Hmm I was thinking Mexican. I could really eat some tacos." Kensi sighs turning left.

Deeks lips twitch up into a smirk, Kensi catches this and rolls her eyes.

"You're a pig Deeks." Kensi shakes her head ans smiles.

"Yet you put up with me."

"Barely." Kensi mutters pulling over in front of the Rogers' house.

Deeks bumps Kensi's shoulder when they walk up the stairs.

"I've missed you." Deeks admits honestly.

"Me too." Kensi gives him a small smile and knocks on the door.

The moment they arrived Kensi can sensed something was off.

"Hi Mrs. Rogers. I'm Kensi Blye and this is my partner Marty Deeks, we are with NCIS."

The red haired woman looked terrified.

"Do we have to do this now?" she even sounded scared.

"With all do respect, the sooner we do, the better."

The woman's eyes bulged out of her head looking behind Kensi and Deeks.

"Ma'am are you alright?" Deeks asks.

The woman points out towards the street.

The partners turned around as soon as the guns went off.

The rest is a blur.

A scream rings out, someone falls to the ground.

Six more shots are fired, two more people fall.

Three people in total.

Which leaves one of the good guys down.

It all happened so fast.

Deeks falls to his knees beside his bleeding partner.

"Oh God Kens." Deeks shudders, his stomach churns.

"I'm so sorry this is going to hurt." He pushes down on the wound by her low abdomen.

Kensi gasps, but doesn't scream. "Deeks.."

"Help is on the way Kensi, okay? You're going to be okay." he reassures her.

Kensi shakes her head, "That's not it." Her eyes flutter.

"Stay with me princess, come on." Her hand is around his wrist that pushing down on her abdomen.

Her grip loosens, her eyes fall shut.

* * *

**I'm sorry this is somewhat rushed. Please review!**


	4. Chapter 4

"Family of Kensi Blye?" Doctor Kean called, coming into the waiting room.

They arrived at the hospital 7 and a half hours ago, there hasn't been a word on Kensi since.

It's just Deeks, the rest of the team is searching for the ring leader of James' murder and the reason behind the sudden shooting.

Deeks jumps up to meet the doctor in the middle of the room. "Yeah, that's me."

He still is shaking, seeing his partner, _and lover,_ bleeding out all over the pavement terrified him.

It was a memory that was burned into his brain.

"I have good news."

Deeks' face softened.

Finally, some good news.

"Surgery went good, we got the bullet out and stopped the bleeding. It didn't hit any vital organs. Ms. Blye is stable." the doctor smiled.

Deeks returned the smile, "Good, that's good, great."

"Yes, but I do have.. some bad news also." he sighed.

"Okay..." Deeks started to fidget.

"It says that Ms. Blye wasn't married, do you know if she was seeing anyone?" the doctor questions.

Deeks' face scrunches up, "What does that have to do-"

"Detective please just answer the question."

He scratches the back of his neck, it's a nervous habit of his. "We a- we're dating I guess, until a couple of weeks ago."

The doctor just nods, "Can I ask when the last time you two were intimate?"

Deeks stood up, he couldn't take this anymore. "What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

Few people turned to look at Deeks because of his sudden outburst.

"Please calm down." the doctor requested quietly.

Deeks sat back down, "Can you please just tell me what the bad news? _It's killing me._"

The doctor sighed, "The bullet skimmed the placenta."

The shaggy detective froze. _Placenta? Isn't that where babies located? Like when you're pregnant?_

All the pieces started coming together.

"Kensi is pregnant?" Deeks struggles to find his voice, he sounds like a small child.

That's why she's been so sick these last few weeks. Why wouldn't she tell him? Did she really believe he'd be mad

"Yes, Ms. Blye _was_ pregnant."

Deeks chokes, "Was?"

The doctor nodded, "About 11 weeks. After the bullet skimmed the sac, the fluid started to leak. The fetus wasn't capable to live on it's own. There was no way we could of saved it."

All he could do was nod, and then he panicked. "I pushed down on the bullet wound, did I...?" he couldn't finish the sentence.

Was he the reason the baby was dead? His _child?_

"Oh no, it was far to late for that, if anything you saved Ms. Blye's life."

"Okay." was all he could muster out.

"Come on let's go see your fighter." Doctor Kean smiled and led Deeks into the sterile hospital room.

Kensi laid on the bed, IVs hooked up to her.

Her head hung to the side, her mouth was slightly opened, and she made little snorting noises.

_God how he missed that. _

He smiled at the sight.

Doctor Kean laid a hand on the detective shoulder. "When she wakes up would you like me to come in and tell her?"

Deeks shook his head, "No, I-I'll tell her."

The doctor left him to his thoughts.

He took a seat beside her hospital bed, she looked so small, so fragile.

Deeks couldn't help the anger that sat within him.

He felt horrible for being mad at her, but he was.

If she would of told him, she wouldn't of been out in the field, he would of made sure of that.

There's just a bunch of 'what if's' going through his head.

It's to late now.

* * *

Around 8:30 pm Kensi starts slowly waking up.

Deeks' fingers and interlocked with hers.

He tried to sleep but he couldn't.

All he could think about was how to explain to Kensi that her baby is gone. _Their baby._

He doesn't think that he'll ever get over that thought.

His baby, her baby, their baby.

He was going to be a father. She was going to be a mother. And their baby would've been a mutant ninja assassin.

Well, they were supposed to.

Deeks' mind travels back to when her dad reappeared.

That's when he figures he is at fault for all this.

If it wasn't for him, Deeks and Kensi would still be living together. Deeks would of been their as soon as Kensi found out she was expecting.

"Hi." Kensi whisper pulls him out of his thoughts.

Deeks gives her a sad smile, "Hey there partner."

"What's the damage?" She asks slowly sliding up in bed.

Here it comes, "They stopped the bleeding, no vital organs, got the bullet out. You're good."

He couldn't continue.

Kensi's eyes started to water, "Deeks. I know you know. What about the baby?"

Deeks takes a deep breath in and looks at their still intertwined hands, "Bullet skimmed the placenta, there was nothing they could do."

She sat back and squeezed her eyes shut fighting back the tears, "Did they mention how far along I was?"

"11 weeks."

Kensi nodded, but didn't trust her voice enough to speak.

Deeks rubs his thumb over the back of her hand, "Why wouldn't you tell me Kensi? I mean the baby was mine, wasn't it?"

She scoffs and pulls her hand away from his, "Of course it was yours' Deeks!"

Her face winces as she raises her voice.

"Why wouldn't you tell me?" Deeks questioned, his voice was cold.

"I just found out this morning Deeks! I was going to tell you tonight. You'd really think I'd keep something like that from you?" Her breathing increase, as did her heart.

The monitor beside her bed started to beat faster and faster.

Deeks rose from the chair to hover over Kensi, "Hey, hey, hey I'm sorry, okay? You need to calm down Kens."

Kensi shook her head back and forth, trying to catch her breath.

Deeks took one of her hands and brought it up to his lips where he planted a soft kiss.

"Just breathe Fern, come on you go this, just breathe."

She starts to calm down, her breathing goes back to a steady pace. "Sorry." she mummers.

"I'm sorry Kensi, I shouldn't of accused you of anything." he gives her a small smile.

"It's okay."

"No it's no-"

"Deeks, stop. I promise you it's okay." Kensi reassures him, hurt is still visible on her face.

"Hey Kens!" Nell smiles from the door way.

Deeks pulls his hand away for Kensi's.

"Hey Nell." Kensi gives her a tired smile.

Deeks turns back to his partner and raises an eyebrow to Kensi. _Do you want to tell the team about the baby?_

Kensi shakes her head and turns her attention back to Nell.

"The guys are outside, are you up for a visit?" Nell asks suspiciously at the pairs wordless conversation.

"Yeah."

* * *

The team came and visited Kensi for a full hour.

Everyone had left but Hetty and Deeks, but he wasn't planning on leaving anytime soon.

Hetty watched behind her as Callen trailed out of the room.

"I send my condolences for you two's loss." she announces looking towards the floor.

Of course Hetty knew, she does know everything.

Both Kensi and Deeks nod and mumble, "Thank you."

"There is no footprint to small that cannot leave an imprint on your heart." Hetty concluded.

"Goodnight Ms. Blye and Mr. Deeks."

The pair sat in silence for a few moments after Hetty exited the room.

"Hello Ms. Blye how are you feeling?" Dr. Kean asked coming through the door.

"Fine."

The doctor makes eye contact with Deeks, asking if he had told Kensi yet.

Deeks just nodded.

"Tomorrow you're scheduled for a D & C. Are you familiar the term?" the doctor continues to take Kensi's vitals.

"No."

"D & C is short for Dilation and Curettage procedure. Basically, the tissue that was inside you're uterus while you were pregnant needs to come out or else you can get extremely sick from it." He explained to the duo.

"Okay." Kensi stuck to her one word answers.

Deeks watched Kensi stuck in her dazed state.

"Is that all?" Deeks asked.

"Yes, see you two tomorrow. I'm sorry for your loss." He said walking out the door.

"You should go Deeks, it's getting late." Kensi mumbled, closing her eyes.

"Sorry not happening, looks like you and I are having a sleepover Fern. Remember nothing kinky, we're in the hospital!" Deeks smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Are you serious Deeks? We lost our baby today and all you can think about is sex?" Kensi scolded.

"Kens, no of course not I was just trying to see that beautiful smile of yours." Deeks smiled again.

"Whatever." Kensi sighed.

"I get this is hard for you Kensi but it's not a walk in the park for me either. It would have been my kid too." Deeks reasoned. He was so frustrated, he was supposed to protect his family, and he failed.

"Sorry." Kensi mumbled.

Deeks sighed and nodded he really needed to stop going off at her, "I know."

"This just sucks." Kensi sighed, throwing her hands up and letting them fall back down to the bed.

"I have been in the field so many times, even when we weren't expecting fire, I never have gotten shot. But then the moment I find out I'm pregnant I got shot. In the stomach! It could have been the shoulder, leg, arm, foot, but no it had to be where our baby was." Kensi started to cry, her words became a blubbering mess, yet Deeks still understood them.

"Maybe it wasn't meant to be." Deeks sighed standing over her, running his hand through the top of her brown locks.

He was trying to give his ownself an answer, because he didn't know why this happened to them either.

"Why not? Why don't we get to be happy? To be a family?"

Deeks felt tears prick the corners of his own eyes, "I-I don't know."

"You've had a long day Kens, get some sleep, okay?" He told her kissing her on the forehead.

She leaned in to his touch, "Lay with me."

"I'll sleep on the chair, I don't want to hurt you." Deeks answered sitting back in the chair.

"Please Deeks? You can lay on the right side, you won't be close to the stitches." Kensi practically begged him, tears still fresh in her eyes.

"Okay, okay." He agreed sliding into the right side.

"Ahh." Kensi hisses as he moves into the bed, but eventually they get settled.

"You good?" Deeks asked, his arm thrown over head on the pillows.

"Mhm." Kensi mumbles into his chest, her hands bailed into fist with the fabric of his shirt.

Kensi is almost asleep when Deeks ask, "Boy or girl?"

"To soon to tell." Kensi sighed, her eyes still squeezed shut.

"Humor me Kens, I know you've thought about it."

"Boy."

"Boy?"

"Boy." Kensi confirmed.

Now it was Kensi's turn, "Blue or brown?"

"Brown like yours." Deeks answers without thought.

"Really? Cause I pictured him as blue eyes, blonde haired. Just like his daddy." Kensi smiled, nudging Deeks in his chest.

"Is that so? Because I was thinking a girl with brown curly hair, stubborn and independent like her mommy." Deeks teased.

Kensi intertwined her fingers with Deeks and laid them on his stomach, "To bad we'll never know." she sniffled.

Deeks planted kiss on Kensi's hairline, "Night Kens."

"Night Deeks."

* * *

_Hetty Lange sat in her office at 10:49 pm on a Tuesday night._

_Everyone was at home, the building was completely deserted. _

_Hetty always found this place rather comforting, with and without her agents._

_She picked up the phone and dialed a number she wished she would never have to call._

_The phone rang three times until someone finally answered._

_"Hello?" The man's stern voice filled the line, though he sounded winded._

_"Donald, there has seem to be a complication.." _

* * *

**Longest chapter I've ever written for anything! Hope you guys enjoy! Please review. Love you all. Xxx**

**-Jill**

**(PS: I watched the Secret Life of an American Teenager, the one where Adrian looses her baby, and I cried the whole way through while typing this)**


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